Moment by Moment with Kids

Jun 29, 2015 | Children & Parenting

I Live with My Kids Moment by Moment

There is a lot of psychobabble about positive parenting. Like if you see your children as wonderful, then you create the space for them to go into being wonderful; if you see your children as horrible brats, then you create the space for that. It’s like “The Secret” of parenting—what you focus on is what you get.

From my point of view, it’s preferable not to focus on anything. I live with my kids moment by moment. This is a bizarre idea for many parents, but ultimately it works. To do this, you have to take each event separately. People try to create a system by which they govern their parenting so they are always consistent. But are any two days the same? No. Do any two kids react the same? No. Does your child react the same way every day? No. Do you ever act the same way two days in a row? Or do you change all the time? And when somebody tries to put you in a place where they expect you to respond the same way twice in a row, do you resist and react to that?

When you have a fixed point of view or an expectation about how your children should behave and act, how much freedom does it give them? It doesn’t give them any, because your expectation defines their choice. If parents put their point of view on their kids—“John’s going to react this way” or “Suzy’s going to react that way”—they limit the kids’ choices.

When parents have expectations, kids have to align and agree with their parents’ expectations and do what they’re expected to do, or they have to resist and react to the expectations and do the opposite. The children don’t have the freedom to be who they are in that ten seconds. Ultimately, isn’t what you want for your children for them to be who they are, regardless of whether you agree with it or not?

What would it be like if we lived in a world where every child was empowered to know that they know? To know that they can be and create anything they choose? A world where they are given access to the tools that would allow them to create that?

Access Consciousness is opening an online school called Access Possibilities School, September of 2015. If you’re interested and would like to know more or would like more tools you can use with your kids now, go to